Diary of a Superior Revised
by TheSixthApprentice
Summary: Join Xemnas and his bubblegum pink MANLY journal as he discovers how evil he really is regarding his plans to dominate milk and dairy products. Rewritten version of Diary Of A Superior but with more extras.
1. Dear MANLY journal

**Diary of a Superior is back and revised! Going back through my folders and documents, I realized that it was time to revise this crappy grammar and structure. Enjoy this edited version.**

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The Superior sat at his office desk in his darkened office that was illuminated by the glowing light of Kingdom Hearts that painted his window glass. A black pen with a business advertisement was clutched in his hand as he intently stared at the empty page in front of him. A warm scent of blueberries perfumed the air and every inhale made him salivate.

 _Dear Diary_ ,

He began to scribble, thinking of notable events to write down. He tapped the end of the pen to his chin.

"No, no." He said, crossing out the two words he had written until they weren't legible anymore. "This won't do. I am the Superior of an Organization, not a school girl." He skipped a line and began to write.

 _Dear MANLY journal thing,_

He smiled in satisfaction, feeling accomplished. Xemnas glanced out the window. Clusters of pink rose up to Kingdom Hearts which caused his smile to grow. Glancing back at the paper, he began to think.

"What should I write?" He tapped the end of his black pen to his chin again while staring out his window. Enough time passed for him to count a total of 552 hearts that gathered in Kingdom Hearts outside. That's when inspiration struck him.

 _Today was one of the most spectacular days that has ever happened. And since this is a dairy_

He groaned as he scribbled out the word "diary". He was an authority figure; someone that should be feared and respected. If he was caught with a diary he wouldn't be taken seriously. When the word "diary" was illegible, he continued to write.

 _And since this is a MANLY journal I can write down all my secrets and absolutely nobody will know. I suppose I should cut to the chase. Today, Saïx almost found out about my Mr. Whiskers. Apparently Saïx had knocked before entering my office which is a requirement and I hadn't heard him. As he opened the door, I was in the middle of a conversation with Mr. Whiskers regarding my evil plans of dominating all pet stores._

Xemnas stopped writing and anxiously glanced over his shoulder, worried that Saïx might be behind him. Once he was assured nobody was there, he began to write again.

 _Anyways, Mr. Whiskers was purring to my malicious plans and Saïx was standing behind me. If I had a heart that would be where I would have died of panic. However, my plump feline ran off when Saïx began to walk in. Mr. Whiskers has always been afraid of Saïx which has its benefits but I haven't figured out why he is afraid. Perhaps the rumors are true and Saïx is a wolf? If that was true and he hadn't told me then I'd have him cast into the lake of fan girl I have in the castle's basement._

 _Yes, I have a lake of fan girls. Those pesky creatures always pester me, knocking on my door, throwing rocks at windows and leaving inappropriate letters in my mailbox. So I trapped them and they are being used for Vexen's experiments. He hasn't told me exactly what the experiments are for and I'd rather not find out._

Suddenly a high pitched ding sounded from across the room and Xemnas quickly sat up in excitement. Quickly, he jotted something down as he stood up.

 _My blueberry muffins are done and it is my secret recipe too. My favorite muffins are the ones with the Hello Kitty sprinkles on them. Marluxia would get jealous if he knew those kinds existed. We often have arguments on the differences between cupcakes and muffins. Apparently I am "cupcake illiterate" according to him._

 _I suppose I should take those muffins out of my Easy Bake Oven._

He closed the pink journal and slid it quietly into one of his drawers.


	2. Incompetency

After a hard day of work and telling Axel a number of times to not set Marluxia's garden on fire again as well as cleaning Mr. Whiskers litter box, Xemnas was back in his happy place in front of his window, staring at Kingdom Hearts and watching the tiny, pink bunches of hearts gather together. Xemnas also had to run some errands which got him out of the castle for an hour or two.

He opened his pink journal and flipped to the second page, ready to write something.

 _Dear MANLY journal,_

 _While I was out buying groceries, I came by a clothing store that had the most unique dresses I have ever seen. They had layers of ruffles and came in many different colors. The style was apparently called Lolita. I stood on the sidewalk in the midst of the crowd of people and stared. I was actually considering replacing our boring, black cloaks with those. It would definitely make us more intimidating when fighting Sora and his friends._

Mr. Whiskers jumped into Xemnas' lap and began to purr. His big, round belly warmed up Xemnas' thighs fairly quickly. He gave his cat a few strokes.

 _I beg to Kingdom Hearts nobody finds this MANLY journal. I will dust for fingerprints to find the culprit that may touch this journal and turn them into a dusk. Perhaps I should lock my drawer that I keep it in._

Xemnas eyed the aluminum muffin container on his desk and inhaled the fumes of blueberries. He couldn't resists and began to eat an entire muffin. Once that was done, he had another. Crumbs came raining down onto his cat and rolled off.

 _These muffins are absolutely delicious. I was considering sharing them with the other members but I just can't help myself. Perhaps I should hit the gym. That reminds me of something._

He crammed the last few bites of muffin into his mouth.

 _Last year or two I ordered Axel to take my mac truck and deliver some of Vexen's supplies to his new lab location. Vexen was always looking for another location to test his new experiments for some reason. Perhaps he's planning something against me and he doesn't want me to know? No, that's not possible. Anyways, Axel, being an unskilled driver crashed my eighteen wheeler into the local gym. He came back and told me he "hit the gym". I was confused as to why he would tell me he just worked out but it turns out he literally hit the gym._

 _I've been thinking about replacing my members with some more competent ones._

Xemnas closed his pink journal and slid it into his desk drawer. He sighed, slouching in his chair, reminiscing today's events.

A quiet knock came from his door and he sat up straight, waking up his laptop with a click of his mouse and pretended to look very busy when in reality his screen was showing the Strawberry Shortcake website.

"Come in." Xemnas called to whomever. The door swung open and quick footsteps ran in.

"Xemnas!" Whined Demyx who looked like he had just seen a ghost. Xemnas glanced up from his screen and raised an eyebrow. Demyx could not keep himself still; he was bouncing on his feet while he played with the drawstrings of his cloak. "The maple syrup we have has alcohol in it!"

The Superior's mouth became slightly agape and his eyes darted in a different place to contemplate what he had just heard. He closed his laptop screen and folded his hands together, resting his chin on them.

"Demyx." the Superior began calmly, realizing he was more oblivious and ignorant than he had thought. "Was the syrup sugar free?"

Demyx was busy glancing around the room. He had only been in here once and since then Xemnas had done some furniture rearrangements.

"Yeah, it was." He replied as if mesmerized. It seemed like he had forgotten what the issue was and still glanced around the room in wonder as if he was in a museum.

The Superior gave a sigh, still wondering when he should replace some of his members. Demyx and Axel would be the first to go. He wondered if he should put up an ad on the internet.

Demyx began to point out everything new thing he had seen and how his desk use to be on the opposite side of the room. As Demyx went on, the Superior opened back up his laptop and began playing games on the children's website.

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 **Thank you for the reviews!**


	3. Pranks and Milk Domination

Xemnas turned the knob to his radio volume and soft rock music began to play. It was nearing 8 AM and it was nearing his daily morning announcements. He had a stack of papers on his desk. He shuffled them before taking a sip of his coffee he had made himself. He liked his coffee black and decaffeinated.

Heaving a sigh and cracking his knuckles, he pressed the button that activated the intercom speakers around the castle and he began to read off what was written on his stacks of papers.

"Good morning members of Organization Thirteen," he began. "Today's missions will start at 8:30 so please be prepared." He cleared his throat and skimmed over the jumble of words. "Today at 12:00 inspectors are coming to make sure that the lab is safe and secure so please be aware. Marluxia's painting lesson will be happening today at 2:00." He tossed some pages aside and skimmed through a paragraph and began reading out loud without realizing it. "Xemnas will be offering prostitution lessons using Saïx as-"his face reddened and he groaned in rage. "Axel! Office now!" He yelled. And with that the announcements ended.

The superior sat back in his chair, heaving a sigh. Knowing that Axel would be a while, he pulled out his diary.

 _Dear MANLY journal,_

 _Today Axel pranked me again during announcements this morning. I accidentally read something inappropriate in front of the entire castle. I should proof read these things before I announce them._

 _Anyway, holidays are coming around the corner. Speaking of which, Halloween is today. Roxas, Axel, and Demyx are dressing up in costumes and venturing out at 6:00 tonight to get some candy. Last year they came back with an entire storage container full of candy. Apparently they had scared and harassed children to get their candy. And by "they" I mean Axel. Axel has always been the trouble maker, thinking he can do whatever he wants. Demyx is just annoying; always so childish. Then there's Roxas, the youngest out of the organization. He is far too innocent for his own good; always confused and questioning things._

 _Christmas is coming soon and all those holidays like Kwanza and Hanukkah. In this Organization, we have celebrated all three once and it was a disaster. Thinking about the holiday season makes me wonder what I want for Christmas. I think I want a kitten. A quiet, small, and fuzzy kitten. My other cat, Mr. Whiskers is old and fat; he doesn't do much besides eating and using his litter box. I either want a kitten or a goat. Or even a cow. Cows come with milk. If I got a cow-_

Like a bolt of lightning struck through him, he sat up straight in his chair with a jump.

"That's it!" He exclaimed.

 _I CAN DOMINATE MILK._

He underlined his all capitalized statement many times and sat back down.

 _My evil plans are starting to formulate. I can be the Superior of milk and other dairy products! It is so unbelievable of how evil I really am._

He softly chuckled to himself; his entire body shook which caused his chair to squeak. He was having a long, evil laughing session which was abruptly cut off when Axel entered the room. Xemnas' first instinct was to hide the journal and he did so by cramming the pink book down his pants. This was the first time Axel regretted not knocking.


	4. Goodnight

_Dear MANLY journal,_

 _I cannot sleep tonight. My mind is cluttered with thoughts of kittens, Lolita dresses, and the domination of pet stores and milk. When I was suffering from this insomnia last year, Demyx told me to say goodnight to everything because that was what helped him fall asleep. As stupid as it sounds, it actually helped me. So, I shall start by saying good night to things in my room._

 _Goodnight room,_

 _The place where I can see my Kingdom Hearts moon._

 _Goodnight fuzzy, pink night cap,_

 _The one that is used by my lazy, fat cat._

 _Goodnight my Easy Bake Oven,_

 _The one I use to bake my blueberry muffins._

 _Goodnight my trusty teddy bear,_

 _The one who watches over my office chair._

 _Goodnight candy bar stash,_

 _You make my office smell like trash._

 _Goodnight my professional looking laptop,_

 _You help disguise my obsession with children's websites._

Xemnas glanced up from his journal.

"That doesn't rhyme." He pondered out loud and then continued, ignoring his error.

 _Goodnight remote that is always out of reach,_

 _You defeat the purpose of having to get out of my seat._

A yawn escaped his mouth and he blinked a few times to try to get rid of the sleepiness he was feeling but it wouldn't go away. Closing his manly, pink journal, he slid it under his pillow and closed his eyes, sliding his heart patterned mask over his eyes. His fat cat curled up on his stomach and rose up and down with every inhale and exhale Xemnas made.


	5. Don't Stick Things In Your Pants

_Thank you for reading! Here's another diary entry from Xemnas._

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 _Dear Super Ultra Deluxe MANLY journal,_

 _I have changed up the title on this bubble gum pink hard covered journal. I felt like it seemed manlier if I added in those extra words._

 _The other day when Axel stepped into my office while I was laughing at my evil plans, I managed to shove that journal in my pants. He gave me a strange look and there was an awkward silence. I had to assure him that it wasn't what it looked like. I'm not sure why I thought putting a journal down my pants was the best way to hide it but I guess the mind does strange things under certain circumstances._

 _The entire time, the journal was sticking up slightly and you could tell there was something in my pants. I tried hiding it as best as I could but the lump there could not be hidden. It was like trying to trap a dragon; the beast needed to be released. Now that I think about it, that analogy isn't making my situation any better._

Xemnas crossed out his last two sentences until a thick black line covered his page.

 _Anyway, the situation was quite awkward and Axel left quieter than usual._

 _Also today while I was on break, I turned on my television to the Style Network and it just so happened that my favorite program was on. So, as this woman was about to tell me about the latest Fall trends and style tips, an ad interrupted. I was quite outraged because my break was only ten minutes long._

 _This ad had a tall, muscular green guy advertising vegetables. My first thought was that he was the Hulk from that Avenger's movie that Demyx obsesses about. But then, after watching the ad, the man reminded me of Lexaeus. Why would Lexaeus be painted green and be put on TV?_

 _This man was wearing leaves. Who wears leaves? Lexaeus doesn't._

 _At the end of the advertisement, a chorus of people sang "Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant"._

 _My first thought that it was representing Santa Claus since the holiday season is coming up or that he could've been a heartless._

 _I jotted down my thoughts of this when the ad ended._

 _This guy isn't Lexaeus_

 _How did he get so muscular? He must be on steroids. If not he'd make an excellent addition to the Organization._

 _Are leaves the new fashion statement for the season? Maybe that's why they cut to that commercial during my program._

 _Is he affiliated with Santa Claus?_

 _Speaking of Santa Claus, I am beginning to believe that he exists. Demyx has been giving me reasons backed up with facts and even wrote me a six page essay about Santa Claus and how he exists. If this man exists then perhaps I should get a chimney, wait until he arrives on Christmas Eve and trap him. Then I shall get his heart!_

 _Once I capture this man, I can force him to get me presents all year long._

 _My ideas are absolutely brilliant. I bet I could become the next Albert Einstein and surpass Vexen in terms of smartness!_

 _I suppose this will be my only entry for today for I am going to be busy raking leaves in the yard._


	6. At the Hospital

_Dear Super Ultra Deluxe Manly journal thing,_

 _It has been a while since I have opened your cover and written on your pages and I apologize as I have been at the Hospital That Probably Is and I still am. What happened yesterday was a blur to be honest. My head feels like I got smashed in the head with a baseball bat. Pins and needles feel like they are stabbing my face and arms. I am covered in bandages and my head is wrapped tightly in one._

 _Saïx came into my hospital room a while ago and said that he found me hanging over the side of my comfy recliner. He said it looked like I was reaching for the remote control because my arm was lying across my end table where the remote laid an inch away from my fingertips. He found chips on the floor and found my can of coke spilled and created a large stain by my chair._

 _Saïx also told me that everyone heard a loud pounding sound that gave off strong vibrasive waves that could be felt throughout the entire castle. Apparently that loud thud was me, falling out of my chair. This was when I realized that I should lay off of the muffins._

 _What saddens me the most is not being able to watch over my organization. It's a good thing I have Saïx to back me up. Even though he doesn't do the best job at being the temporary Superior, it's a much better option than having someone like Xigbar running it._

 _ **My pencil lid just snapped and I have grabbed a marker. I'm just glad that I had my journal with my in my cloak pocket when I passed out from the collision of my head to the end table. Now, if only I had through of bringing a sharpener.**_

 _ **Once I get out of here I am baking myself some blueberry muffins. I am craving one right now. The food they serve here is worse than Axel's cooking. Axel does not follow any cooking directions properly, always taking the easy way out and skipping steps that he doesn't think are necessary. He made dinner once for the organization but left it in the oven for too long because he was distracted with video games.**_

 _ **My doctor just walked in saying that he needs to run some tests. Well MANLY journal, I will write on your pages tomorrow where I will hopefully be back at home.**_


End file.
